I want some English.

I've got a need to speak. To burst out all the thoughts, shaping them into words and phrases. The problem is there are no special problems. My mind just goes round of despair, sadness and hatred. My pathetic personality makes me want to hit me in the face again an again. There are 4 months left before the end of the year and I am still not ready for the end. I find myself not sa good as the other girls who are working hard and who do will succeed. The possibility of my failure scares me to death. I am realy realy scared. Realy. I can not pull myself together. I have never been so frightened. Every day I laugh, read, watch crap, post on viewy and waste so much time on such things that are not the ones I must do now and every freaking evening I want to kill myself for it. I realy get that - I get the fact that all promlems are brought on by laziness and stupidity, but can not cut them out.

I'm weak. And it freaks me out.

It's certainly time to pull myself together and start working, not pretending I'm working.