versus venus virus

сраные стереотипы

ღI love you so much. and when you leave me, it's like the end of the worldღ

temporarily falling in love with the boy who sat in front of me on public transport omg so stupid

"Если вы собираетесь читать это — лучше не надо.

После парочки страниц вам здесь быть не захочется. Так что забудьте. Уходите. Валите отсюда, пока целы.

Спасайтесь."

знаешь так все уже
апатично
вросло в привычку
все так же безразлично
на другую личность
уже не вижу смысла
стремится
и завтра не радует ничем
гниют внутренности
душа попала плен

иногда моя мама думает, что я суицидница и сатанистка

"Я прожил больше тебя, значит я лучше разбираюсь в жизни "

эта фраза…

особенного когда это говорит человек, который за пока что прожитую им жизнь ни разу не потерял родного или близкого им человека, ни разу не видел ссоры родителей с криками и драками, который всегда получает что он захочет… и это просто ужасно, когда тебя учить человек ничего не понимающий в этом, и овершенно не важно сколько тебе 10 или 20….

#онаболевшем

ужасно обожаю одиночество

нет, не то одиночестно когда ты один, без друзей, без людей, которые могут тебя поддержать

а просто одииин

в пустой комнате

наедине с музыкой, наедине со своими мыслями.

как бы это глупо не звучало, но я люблю сидеть разговаривать сама с собой о жизни

о там как я буду жить дальше

о прошлом….

и не поверите мне доставляет это ОГРООМНОЕ удовольствие.

нельзя сказать, что я по жизни одиночка, сторонюсь людей

просто иногда мне хочется побыть одной

совершенно одноой

………….

Your ugly, right? Fat, ugly, dumb, unpopular, disgusting, worthless..? People tell you they hate you, they tell you your ugly, your family is falling apart, you think nobody loves you, that you will be alone forever- because who would fall in love with someone like you right? An ugly, dumb, worthless person.

You want to die? You feel like nothing will get better, things will just keep getting worse, that there is no solution for the way you’re feeling. You have bad thoughts, you self harm, you cry- all on a daily basis, am I right? You like feeling the pain, for some odd reason- you like it. You dream of death, you imagine the reactions of your friends and family. It’s sickening isn’t it? to think that you are imagining the death of yourself.

You lay in your bed at night, just laying there- thinking, imagining, dreaming, wandering away into your own vast world.. You wonder if your the only person who is thinking like this, you think your alone, that you must be strange- that no one else in this whole entire world could be feeling even the same slightest bit of pain as you are? But there’s one thing, you’re wrong.

You’re scared, right? You’re scared of what your mind is capable of, you don’t know how to deal with these thoughts your having- you don’t know who to talk to about it.. because; well lets face it, no one will ever understand, right? WRONG.

You have nothing to look forward to. Your grades are down, your friends are slowly leaving because your pushing them away, no one will ever fall in love with you, your a failure, you don’t succeed in anything you do, and if your gone- it won’t make that much of a difference, right? Because no one cared about you in the first place, they’d all wish you were gone, they all like seeing you in pain, right? WRONG.

You hold a blade, knife, lighter or razor on your delicate, soft, beautiful skin. No one but yourself can understand what it’s like to inflict pain on yourself. The thoughts are crazy, the urges are getting worse, you start to think about everything bad you’ve done, you can’t take it anymore. You hurt yourself. Tears are rolling down your eyes, the pain isn’t even that excruciating, “Oh, that didn’t feel as bad as I thought”, you think to yourself. You see the blood slowly trickling down your body, bright red, healthy blood. You sit there, with your weapon in your hand, looking at what you’ve just done. You deserved it all, right? WRONG.

You’ve had your heartbroken, someone’s died, your best friend back-stabbed you, you’ve been bullied, teased, beaten, abused, your family is falling apart, your pushing your friends away, you reject any sign of anyone trying to help you. You don’t know what the fuck to do, i’m right aren’t I?

Let me ask you this question then, Why?

Why would you want to do this to yourself, why? What is it going to achieve? Yes, it may end your pain- but what about everyone else you’ve left behind? Your mother, your father, your siblings, cousins, your aunty, your uncle, your nan, your pop, grandma, grandpa? What about these people, and these people are just your family. Yourblood relatives. The reaction of your mother or father when they find you dead. Your mother will stand there, staring at your non-existent life, your father, shaking you, calling your name, tears running down his cheeks, hoping you’d wake up- but wait? You can’t wake up.. You’re dead.

In the morning, your best friends find out, they don’t know what to do. They blame themselves for not helping, even though it was you who rejected their offer. The kid that bullied you? Sitting there, wondering if it was him, was it his fault? Your teachers, all in shock, why? The person that loved you, that’s right loved you. You never knew did you, that’s right- no one loved you did they. NO. THEY DID. This person who loved you, dealing with depression for the rest of their life, knowing that their love.. is dead.

Most of the people who knew you will become depressed, they will do the same as you. Harm, cry, think. They will have to go to counselors and psychologists for the rest of their life. Their lives would be changed forever, knowing that someone they knew- killed themselves. Hmm.. Think. Maybe it could even result in them killing themselves. Once it’s happened, it’s happened. There’s no going back. You can’t just say “No, I want to live again”. That’s it. You’re dead. Cold. WORTHLESS. You think no one would care, they do. They spend their days thinking about you, wondering what was going on. Trying to understand. But it’s too late for them because you’ve ended it all. You thought it would be the right thing to do, but it wasn’t. It never will be the right thing to do, It never has been and it NEVER will be.

To whoever is reading this. You are not alone.

You are beautiful, smart, amazing. These feelings and thoughts are only temporary. I promise you. If you pull through this, you will make so many people happy, not just yourself- but every single person around you. There are people willing to help you, people love you, they care for you, they want you to smile, to laugh- because you are worthy. You are here for a reason. We are all here for a reason, Nobody but yourself knows why you’re here. But you, you are the one that has to search for that reason. As long as you keep searching, it will work out. Things get worse before they get better, and once you’ve hit rock bottom- the only way you can go is up. So many people love you, more than you think, more than you know. Right now, someone is thinking about you, and right now- someone is waiting to make you happy.

Darling, you are stronger than this. With your strength and courage, you can overcome this situation and turn your whole life around. You think suicide is the easy way out? Let me tell you, it is the worst decision you could ever make, both for yourself- and the people around you.

You are beautiful.

I know I love you.

I know I care about you.

And so do so many other lovely people just like you,

Never give up, okay?

I did it and so can you.

все хуйня, не могу разобраться