There is no secret, that I never appreciated you till the end. Your taste in music, your humour, your appearance. I never thought I could lose you. You were my friend, you were my ideal dream. I was sure I would see you and speak to you and hug you or whatever. Now it's all shattered. I miss you more that words can express. I will never find such a person. Please, let me know, you didn't forget.

I'm acting like a fucking cunt, trying to get your attention with this fucking interpals, but I'm only proving you made the right decision. You forgot a stupid cunt. You forgot me. You don't want to know me anymore. I was never interesting or beautiful enough. I was never open enough. Of course, everyone has limits. I got used to you. Excuse me for all that shit I did. I promised to myself not to write you, but I like to imagine you still remember or care. But the truth is killing me. You don't care. I will never find courage to send this, but if a miracle happens and you read this funny letter, i want you to laugh at it with all your new friends, because i want to be punished. I want to be laughed at. My pride is destroyed and everything i thought i was - i am not. I'm your fan. Now that you don't care i can say it. For reasons unknown i know that you didn't recieve the letter. Simply, because there were three fucking words in it. I love you. I am sure i made a mistake but not accidently. I knew something was wrong. I knew it wouldn't make you happy. I'm not sure any boy can be happy because of such.

Excuse me for that, my angel.

And you blocked your facebook and last.fm like you were saying to me to fuck off and stop being immensely fond of you. But i can't. I'm acting funny and stupid, but who cares now. I hope you had other reasons.
When all this happened, i said to myself 'Ok, baby, shit happens, just move on with your broken heart. You can listen to DM like you did before, listen to The Smiths, like you did before, call people cucumbers, like you did before. FUCKING USE WHATSAPP LIKE YOU DID BEFORE." But, LOL, i can't. I use whatsapp, but when i see the fucking notification i hope it's you. When it's the 8 of any month i just smile and remember what you said. "If we ever get together the 8th of January will be the day when our relationships started." Now i can only smile, because ymy sceptic mind believed you. What a pity! You have a great future, heartless!
Smiths and Depeche Mode hurt me. I hate Somebody and It Doesn't Matter. Now i'm listening to shit like Arctic Monkeys. Because this pain will be always with me. You did it well. I want you to smile, when you read this, because sucessful and powerful people only laugh, when they hurt somebody. I still think you will be more than powerful. I hope you got a girlfriend! Honestly, i think you tried, atleast.

Oh well, enough said. It's about 00:00 and i will always wish for you. I know you'll be alright.

Goodbye, my cucumber. Or not mine anymore. :)

"But if you leave don't look back
I'll be running the other way
Seven months went under the bridge
Like time was standing still
Heaven knows what happens now"