I am not happy being here. I want to do something and to create something and not to spend my time being stuck in traffic jams for two hours a day, spending my days doing things that I hate and living with people I'm not close to.
I want to leave everything behind me: my clothes, my phone and other things, my cosmetics, my books. I want to make my own living, I want to meet people, all kinds of people, I want to do something good for others and read a lot. But I'm too afraid to leave everything behind because I don't think I'm gonna make it. I'm too scared because I love my parents and don't want to let them down, I'm afraid that if I leave the university i will not get my diploma and I don't think I'm going to make it later without it. I'm constantly waiting for the end of the day, the end of the class, the end of the month, the end of the academic year that I don't realize I'm waiting for the end of my life and I'm wasting it and I will surely regret about it in the future.
I've always thought how jealous am I that other people write books and write songs and they write so beautiful about love and other things and I can't do it. Because its not something I feel close to. And that's what I feel close to: the fear of wasting my life, the fear of disappointing parents and the fear of being ordinary