Diary of a Madman

AU: Castiel shows his wings to Dean.

“I don’t understand why do you want to see them so much.”
“Isn’t it obvious? Come on, Cas, you said it’s possible because of that… profound bond or whatever it’s called.”
“It is true.”
“So, why don’t you let me…?”
“My wings are not… as impressive as Michael’s or Raphael’s once were.”
“But I don’t care about their wings, Cas. I want to see yours.”
“Okay, then… And? I told you, they are not…”
“They’re perfect.”
“Really?”
” Yeah. Can I touch them?

”

Weep for yourself, my man, you’ll never be what is in your heart. Weep, little lion man, you’re not as brave as you were at the start. Rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left. Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head…

I know how dead you are inside. How worthless you feel. I know how you look into a mirror and hate what you see. I mean, you’re going to Hell and you won’t lift a finger to stop it. Talk about low self-esteem. Then again, I guess it’s not much of a life worth saving, now is it? I mean, after all, you’ve got nothing outside of Sam. You are nothing. You’re as mindless and obedient as an attack dog. What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car? That’s Dad’s. Your favorite leather jacket? Dad’s. Your music? Dad’s. Do you even have an original thought? No, all there is is, “Watch out for Sammy. Look out for your little brother, boy!” You can still hear your Dad’s voice in your head, can’t you? Clear as a bell. All he ever did is train you, boss you around. But Sam… Sam he doted on. Sam, he loved. Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy’s blunt little instrument. Your own father didn’t care whether you lived or died. Why should you?