Так как весь день об этой ситуации я думала на английском (учусь выражать свои мысли на будущем родном языке), то сейчас я озвучу их на клавиатуре.
Boy, I'm so so so sorry.I know it's totally my fault. I shouldn't be frendly. Too frendly. I admit I wanted it, I wanted something in my life. It's just who I am, a girl who wants love and doesn't have it because of herself. I can't live without love. This summer is the only summer for a long time when I didn't fall in love. Oh my God, I even started to fall for Vanya, again.
And you… poor boy… I didn't think of your feels, i was selfish back then. It is my fault you are in love with me now.
I understand what you are doing, talking and everything, you are doing it in your own way. Of course you want me to feel the same way as you do. But I can't. I will probably regret saying "no" to you (whenever you ask me) but now I'm not ready now… If you ask me in a year… then maybe… but not now… It's so complicated.
You are a good boy. I know you are smarter than you want to seem. You want everybody to see you indifferent but you are the same as everybody else. Pricks are hurting you. And i must admit that the thing happent to us is a prick.
I want you to be my friend (again, maybe i'll regret it later when you are rich and all). But i'm not the type of your girlfriend. As you are not my boy. It seems simple, right? Oh come on everybody turns up to be rejected. I am all the time!
I think it's time for me to chill up and accept the truth: you will never be loved by someone who is perfect for you. And I'm not saying I'm perfect for him, I'm talking about myself.
I know that a serious discussion is somewhere close on the heels. And I can't help but be scared.