Do you dare to ask yourself if you're happy?

So, i do. And the answer isn't really cool. But this is the truth. I'm not happy. Despite the fact I'm home with my family. But I think, there're a lot of reasons why I'm not happy.
Some people say - the whole world is inside you and it's your choice to feel sad and lonly, only you create the atmosphere around you. Yeah, I know that the word is inside of me, i kust don't know how to open it for myself, how to live it the word. Doing things you like, you say Probably, this way of spending time helps not to feel lonly so much. I just can't understand why i feel so lonly. No, i'm not alone most of my time, but it's still hard. I don't know. After spending time with people who got me, now it's hard to come back home where my people love me, i know it, but i don't feel that. Yeah. I've finally admitted that to myself.
And one more thing. I must stop waiting for a person who will come once and will fill some empy spaces in my soul. I know that it's wrong, but i just can't stop thinking and dreaming about the person - the way he should look, his charecter and the thing.
Also, i just can't say goodbye to Max. Flashbackes in my mind always remid me of him. i hate it. i must let them go. Maybe, there's too much free time and i let my brain to plunge into the days in the health center… Maybe, when i have classes, i won't think about him…
I must be grateful for the oppotunity spending time with family. To leave past in the past, enjoy staying at home. Probably, even trying to get close to my mom, because, in fact we're not really lose.

Also i must admit to myself i became a selfish person. the worst trait of me. but i've got it. i must think аbout people around me, that's true. I know, i was wrong in many situation and starting now must doing things right, because i hurt people with my behavior and i don't get that at once, if i get it all.