There are so many things i regret and i wish they couldn't happen at all. Unfortunately, i can't change the passage of time. Maybe, that's for the better. But i hurt Kostia just reopened the wound. I know there's all my fault. He would have lived further not reminding me from time to time, just be happy with hhhis new girlfriend.
I always do lots of stupid things not even thinking about the results. Sometimes i don't watch my language and after that i regret i didn't think about my words. Now I'm like: " Think 100 times before pronounce anything out loud"

As i wrote before sometimes i really feel happy here, in the health center. Today has been one of these days. Nothing much happened but it has been.

Zhenia invented me to a sushi bar. It wasn't a date, no. He's like my father. He always does the best for me and wants me to be happy. He says i'm like his daughter despite he doesn't have one only two boys. But i appriciate his support and his concern.
Today he just needed somebody to keep the company of him in the sushi bar. He said he always got lost in places like this and he wanted Sveta, me and him talking on video connection and eating rolls at the same time, but we're here and Sveta's in Moscow. He said Sveta was really nervous leaving us and she was missing us so much. She even cried. I didn't think she would be so thouching. But she was. We were talking a little on whatsapp. When she was here, i always called me a little mouse or mormyshka. It was so sweet: 3 she still calls me like that.

Now i can pationatly talk to Max. Or am i telling a lie to my self? anyway, i feel that now it's easier than a week before. Something's chanched. I can't understand what exactly. Maybe, i don't trust him now as i used to do. I just want to have fun with him for the last days. I don't know why i agreed to communicate with him again after 4 days he ignored me. But i noticed something's chanched when he winked me on my way to the cafeteria. i was really surprised. Did it mean he was sick of fighting? Probably, but i'm sure. Anyway, it doesn't matter now because i'm going homw in a week and i know i'll miss him till i forgot him.
I really enjoyed the evening. Max just sat next to me when i was having my dinner. We were talking and discussing something as always though. I like dicussing something with him and it's always interesting to listen to his opinion. I like the way he reasons about relationships and family. But there was a stupid moment where he disappointed me. I treated him as he probably may like me. i don't know why i thought doesn't love his gf. Maybe i just wanted somebody to be next to me to protect me from the entire word? May be. He's so tall and so big that i feel like i'm lower. When he's next to me i feel protected, just like he'll be able to cover me with his body. One day he said: " big girls for work, small ones for love". I didn't get him. I still don't. Did he mean anything about me? There were some strange little things i still don't get.
I find him a very interesting person. I like spending time with him and i wish i could do that more. I'm gonna miss him despite all these strange things.

Will he even remember me?
I dont know. I'm just writting here to fix my feelings, emotions and memories for some time. Probably later i'll read the posts from the health center and smile because i had it all. Because there were all these people who supported me and was next to me when i felt down