Fuck, I feel like I have to note my feelings down and if I won't I'll just fall apart. It's so sunny outside today. Finally. After a week of constant rain, smog, and cloudy sky and everything. Am I happy about it? Definitely not, unfortunately. And the reason is I'm just totally pissed off. My body hurts, I feel broken into pieces and lost. Dunno. You may ask me why. Well, I bet, you won't be surprised with the answer. My gay colored friend Kris told me a wonderful phrase yesterday evening. It was: Girl, it sounds like you have a crush. And if someone has a crush it's really hard time. So right, I fell in love with a guy we have certain difficulties in communication with. Well. Today is actually a week and a half since I met him at training. And if we sum up conversation time in total, it gonna be less than 10 min. Oh Gosh, I am sick for sure. Another thing Kris told me (he is American) was: wow, Lika, you chose the worst one. Never fall in love with Americans. Ok. I know it now. But what should do those kids, who already did. I mean, constantly think about American guys.
I feel so uncomfortable about writing all these inhere, but there is no other place to share my sadness. I just found a pic on tumblr the other day. What are u wearing tomorrow? Sadness, was a reply. That's what happened to me. I basically have just realized I won't see him tonight, even though evening was planned can't say perfectly, but it was all right. We had da deal with his friend about going somewhere out today, so I kind of expected him to be present as well. I didn't invite him personally though. Yesterday morning I've got msg from his mate that they went to a waterpark for a summer party. No reply since then. So that are two things I'm actually stressed about: his friend ignoring me. Well, you know, no one would like such a behavior. And secondly, I'm so stressed as I won't see him tonight and more likelyI won't ever see him again. Gosh, that's terrible. I'm terrible. Probably No one in this world can't get women's logic. So do I. Sometimes I hardly understand myself. Freaking fugly cunt, you have a guy who loves you and waits for you and such-like. You, bitch, have a crush with another guy, who doesn't pay any attention to you (Kris told me simply to forget about him. Now I can't. But maybe in a week or two. Usually such a passion doesn't last for long). And I suffer from solitude, I actually created myself.. Fuck all that !fuck my life. I wish I can text him and ask out. I'm sure he won't reply in a way I wish he could. And even if he ACTUALLY reply my msg (he might keep silence as his friends does, as for instance), - it won't happen. I mean, date or stuff.. Shit. Everything is such a shit. Feel so weak at the moment. Simply dying.