once upon a time, there was a little boy who always wanted to love another little boy. one day, he finally found that love, and it was wonderful. i’m supposed to use gloves, i’m supposed to do this, i’m supposed to do that, i’m supposed to not kiss him. i’m not supposed to be only 45 years old and taking care of a 35 year-old young man who’s a hundred years old and dying. em calls it a see-saw - he’s fine, he gets sick, he gets better, he gets sicker. he’s afraid i’ll leave him. i told him i wouldn’t leave him. that i never, for one second, would think of leaving him. but he doesn’t believe me. it’s hard to believe in much these days. but we must never stop believing in each other. i’m a mess. it’s what i am. you cry and you cry until you think you can’t cry anymore. and then you cry some more. not only for yourself and felix, but for all the little boys who finally found other little boys they’ve wanted all their lives now that we’re men.