Cleopatra, Anthony
Were introspective you'll agree,
Got in a morbid state because
They lounged about too much indoors.
If they'd gone in for Eton Fives
They wouldn't have gone and lost their lives.
For if you love sport than you won't give a thought
To all that goes on in the park.
Learning to bowl will keep your heart whole,
You won't want to go out after dark.
Love is unenglish and sloppy and soft
So be English and stringy and tough.
If you keep yourself fit you will never want It,
So give up Love.
Abelard and Heloise
Were a pair of sentimental geese.
They ought to have taken exercise,
Not spent their time in sighs and cries.
Gone in for netball or sailing boats
Instead of writing sloppy notes.
For if you can jump then you won't want to bump
By mistake into girls in the park.
If you can dive you won't yearn for High Life,
You won't want to go out after dark.
Love is unenglish and sloppy and soft
So be English and stringy and tough.
If you hole out in one, then love seems poor fun,
So give up Love.
Dante wrote a lot of slush
Because he got an unhealthy crush
On Beatrice who was dead to him.
He ought to have kept himself in trim
Upon the horizontal bars,
Not written tripe about the stars.
For if you keep a straight bat then love will seem flat
It won't tempt you to spoon in the park
If your backhand's like this, then you won't want to kiss,
You won't want to go out after dark.
Love is unenglish and sloppy and soft
So be English and stringy and tough.
You won't feel the loss if you're good at lacrosse
So give up Love.
Don Juan was another one
For whom something should have been done.
Compulsory games would have been the curse
For his nasty Spanish habits I'm sure.
Had someone seen that he played cricket
He would not have been so wicked.
For if you play games you will never write names
On seats in the public park
Riding to hounds puts love out of bounds,
You won't want to go out after dark
Love is unenglish and sloppy and soft
So be English and stringy and tough.
Love makes you laugh if you play centre half
So give up Love.