now i can't even watch the vampire diaries because stefan reminds me of you.
fuck it. how can i ever forget these moment or get rid of the thought. every single day of my life for the last 4 years i have been with you. everything. vienna… stephansplaztz, this route from our dorm through the park near maria-theresien-platz to karlsplatz, every single coffee shop, cafe and bar there, the wu, madrid, venize, milano, budapest, haydn cinema, hofer, billa, mariahilfer strasse, each and every street here in moscow, boulevards, cofemania, white square, ragout, even the outskirts because we've been there with friends or on our way to your house at the country side… forests outside moscow because they are all pretty much alike and do look like the ones you pass by when you go to this house of yours near chekhov. can i carry on… all those series and movies we've watched together. sherlock, the vampire diaries, himym, tbbt, even suits, though i have not technically watched them with you, but following your recommendation. i remember fridays in vienna when we had lectures from 8 till noon and then we went back and watched new tvd episodes. and then we cooked something and had late lunch. it was mostly precooked food like pizza or fish semises. and raw vegetables. and how you went to the gym and i stayed and waited. and how we fought about who's going to wash the dishes. and how we spent days in the room… going out just to buy food. just together. and christmas there and this enormous, overwhelming feeling of happiness. and so… guess i will make a full list one day.
the thing is… those moment shall stay in my mind forever. and i am eternally grateful for that even though i know that you are not. that you wish you would have never met me.
and for now all i can do is carry on. i know the reasons. and the only thing i am sorry for is that i was not strong enough to do it all before. That i waited and hoped that something would change. I have loved you so much. I know it. And i do now. So be happy would you.
