Doctor Who Condensed: Episode 13
Wow, the final episode of Series 1 already? Awesome. Here we go.
BONUS GAME: Spot the Harry Potter and Merlin reference!
EPISODE 13- The Parting of the Ways
STOP! IT’s Recap Time!
[Doctor Who theme]
Daleks: PREDICT! PREDICT!
Rose: I’d rather not actually. Also please don’t kill the Doctor.
Daleks: I CANNOT PROMISE THAT.
Jack: I am the only male human character to be in more than two consecutive episodes!
Doctor: Never mind that now! Got to save Rose!
Rose: Jack! Doctor!
Doctor: Hug me!
Rose: I’m okay with this.
Jack: Hey. Hug me too.
Doctor: No.
Jack: Oh. Okay. Rose, you can hug me instead.
Rose: I am also okay with this.
Doctor: I’m using humor to mask my deep-seated guilt and pain.
Rose: It’s not very convincing.
Doctor: I am unstoppable. FEAR ME.
Dalek Emperor: NO. FEAR ME.
Doctor: OH SH—
Me: Holy crap, you’re even uglier than the guy from Episode 6.
Doctor: RECKLESS ANGER TO MASK MY LACK OF DEFENSES
Dalek Emperor: I CREATED A BUNCH OF BASTARD DALEKS.
Daleks: PRAISE TO THE LORD
Rose: They’re half human?
Daleks: NO WE ARE NOT. GOD TOLD US WE ARE SPECIAL.
Dalek Emperor: THAT IS RIGHT, MY CHILDREN.
Rose: This is so messed up.
Doctor: I AM FULL OF MANIC ENERGY
Jack: I’m being all captain-y!
Lynda and Doctor: UNRESOLVED AWKWARD TENSION
Jack and Rose: UNRESOLVED SEXY TENSION
Jack and Doctor: UNRESOLVED HOMOEROTIC TENSION
Jack: Okay so here’s the deal. We’re under attack.
Rodrick: I DON’T BELIEVE THIS. I WANT MY MONEY.
Jack: Hush. We don’t like you.
Doctor and Rose: Cute alone time!
Doctor: ROSE YOU’RE A GENIUS LET ME KISS YOUR FACE
Rose: I’m so, SO okay with this.
Doctor: I’m off to save the world!
Rose: Okay!
Doctor: [sends Tardis off]
Rose: AHH WHAT THE EVER LOVING **** I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL
Doctor hologram: Hey. I’m gonna die, but don’t worry.
Soundtrack: LOL I’M MAKING YOU CRY AREN’T I
Me: YE-HE-HE-HEEEESSSS
Doctor: Have a good life, Rose.
Rose: BUT…BUT I LOVE YOU AND I DON’T GET TO SAY IT UNTIL A COUPLE SERIES LATER!! YOU CAN’T DIE!!
Mickey: Hey, you’re back!
Rose: [sobbing] AUUUUGHUGHUGHUGHAAAAAAA [clings to Mickey]
Mickey: Oh…um…I’m okay with this.
Emperor Dalek: I AM GOD AND YOU ARE THE DEVIL LOL
Doctor: Shut up. It’s worth it to kill you all.
Jack: You’re killing the human race, but it’s okay because you saved Rose.
Mickey and Jackie: BANTER BANTER
Rose: GRIEF GRIEF GRIEF
Jackie: At least I have you back.
Rose: I HATE THIS. I CAN’T JUST SIT HERE. INSPIRING SPEECH! I must go.
Mickey and Jackie: Uhhhhh…
Mickey: You should just be happy with me.
Rose: OH MY GOD BAD WOLF
Mickey: WTF does that mean.
Soundtrack: HAUNTING FEMALE VOCALS
Rose: I MUST GO BE A HERO.
Mickey: Dammit.
Rose: So, I might die, but that’s better than sticking around with you lot.
Mickey: …I’m going to work through the bleeding in my heart from that arrow you just shot into it and help you anyway.
Rose: Open Sesame.
Tardis: …
Rose: Uhh…Alohomora.
Tardis: …
Rose: Errrrm…Aliese?
Tardis: …
Rose: DAMMIT OPEN OPEN [kicks]
Tardis: OUCH YOU BITCH THAT HURTS
Daleks: EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE
Lynda: THIS IS AWFUL I HATE THIS JOB THIS IS WORSE THAN BEING ON TELLY
Rose: So Mum, this seems like a good time to tell you that I was the girl that stayed with Dad when he died.
Jackie: NO IT ISN’T I HAVE TO GO BE SAD NOW
Rose: FINE ME TOO.
Dalek Emperor: DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
Programmers: UNRESOLVED SEXUAL TENSION
Mickey: We need to try harder.
Rose: Okay.
Jackie: I got this big vehicle for you to unlock the Tardis.
Rose: Okay.
Dalek: I’M BLIND
Female Programmer: AHHHH OH GOD OH SH—
Male Programmer: NOOO!! AHHHH OH GOD OH SH—
Me: Well, there goes their date…
Lynda: AHHHH OH GOD OH SH—
Me: OH COME ON I LIKED HER
Tardis: Whoops LOL I have to glow now
Rose: FINALLY GOOD GOD
Jack: I AM SO BADASS.
Daleks: EXTERMINATE.
Jack: Yep. [dies]
Me: OH COME ON!!! THE ONLY BADASS AMERICAN IN THIS SHOW IS GONE.
Doctor: I can’t do this!!
Dalek Emperor: YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED.
Tardis: Oh hey master.
Doctor: WHOA WHAT HOW WHO WHEN WHY
Rose: I’ve seen things. Terrible things. Also I can kill things with my eyes.
Doctor: ROSE. STOP BEING BAD WOLF.
Rose: No. I’m going to be badass a little bit longer and add a sprinkle of angst by crying the whole time. [destroys all the Daleks]
Me: This is the coolest show.
Doctor: Okay, now stop being Galadriel, Rose!!
Rose: SILENCE. [brings Jack back to life] ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR.
Doctor: You need a doctor.
Rose: MY HEAD HURTS.
Doctor: Kiss me. It’s the cure for everything.
Rose: I have never been so okay with anything in my life.
[BIG KISS OF LOVE AND POWER]
Rose: [collapses]
Doctor: I am that good of a kisser.
Jack: What the—? I’m alive? I’m okay with this!
Rose: So wait. What happened?
Doctor: I’m a really bad singer. Also I’m going to die.
Rose: What? I don’t—
Doctor: [begins to regenerate] This hurts rather a lot actually.
Rose: I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS.
Doctor: Rose…you were fantastic. And so was I.
Me: I couldn’t bear to make that line funny.
Doctor: [becomes a miniature sun]
OH HEY IT’S DAVID TENNANT
David Tennant: I have large, adorable eyes and winsome tousled hair now.
Rose: …I’m…actually okay with this.
The End.
BRING ON SERIES TWO.