мне будет гораздо проще сказать все это на английском, не так больно чтоли.

Lately i’ve been very confused. I like R a lot, but he doesn’t like me at all. We never talk, he’s never taught me and he barely knows I exist. We make that eye-porn sometimes but that’s it, i’m not strong/brave enough to talk to him first, and he’s in a relationship anyway. There are so many girls he’s friends with, and i’m not one of them. It hurts too much, and everytime I see him it makes me happy because I think he’s great but it also hurts because I know i’ll never have him. It was fun in the beginning of the year, when it started it was great. He was my high and the butterflies in my stomach, he was what motivated me to get out of bed at 6 in the morning and face all ugly people at my school. It was all new for me and for the first time it was almost cool. But now everything is different, and i’m tired. I wish I could just give up on him, I wish I could see him during the day and not feel disappointed - I wish I could not feel anything. But how can I get rid of the feeling? I’m sick of all this shit.