Twilight books. Summary

— Book 1. Twilight:

Edward: Hey.

Bella: OMG, I'm so silly. And horny.

Edward: Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.

Bella: OMG you're a vampire!

Edward: Yes. Let's go play baseball.

James: I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.

Edward: Roar.

James: Omnomnom Bella.

Bella: OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!

Edward: I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well.

Jacob: Oh, hi there!

— Book 2. New Moon:

Edward: Oops, gotta go.

Bella: OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.

Jacob: Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)

Bella: OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!

Alice: Edward is gonna kill himself!

Bella: OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.

Edward: I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.

Volturi: You suck.

Bella: OMG leave him alone!

Volturi: OK, leave now bitches.

Jacob: I love you, Bella.

Bella: OMG I love Edward more, bye!

— Book 3. Eclipse:

Victoria: I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!

Bella: OMG no!

Edward: I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella)

Jacob: I want to kill her too!

Riley: I will kill you!

Bella: OMG I'm frozen!

Edward: Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.

Jacob: Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.

Victoria: You missed me bitches?

Edward: I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!

Bella: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.

— Book 4. Breaking Dawn:

Edward: I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.

Bella: Shit, okay.

Jacob: My heart is broken!

Bella: OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!

Edward: Oh no, a monster!

Renesmee: I'ma kill you, mom: 3

Volturi: We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.

Bella: OMG finally I'm a vampire now! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.

Volturi: Fine, you won.

Jacob: Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter.