you start to feel emptiness when there is no one to hug you, to keep you still and to hold your arm…
you feel this emptiness, that eating you from inside
a dark hole without any feelings
you start to feel a dark hole inside, when you are jealous. not because his yours, just because it hurts
these misunderstandings, stories without truthful endings
he was yours: his arms, his lips
and now his looking at another
you feel sorry, when you don't know the way out.
when you come to a point, when everything is as it must be
you know that you can't change everything. but the main thing - you are afraid
you are afraid to lose him and in the same way to lose yourself
he was your child, whom you taught the right things, whom you said 'good nights' and 'good mornings'
you knew everything about him
he knew everything about you
you are exhausted trying to build everything in a right way
or to save a small part of anything you have
you are lying to your parents, you are lying to yourself
all your free time you are trying to run away from yourself, from your thoughts, that are destroying you
your self-destruction is his fault, but you are the main part of your head aches
if you stop doing things as you used to do, everything would change
but nobody says, it'd change for better
it's hard to forget your name, to cut a finger and to through it away
it's hard to change your habits, thoughts
who knows, maybe your self-confidence, stubbornness are those things that he love you by
even if he doesn't know about this
other way,
when you are drinking your tea, someones life is broken, there is no 'we'
and you continue drinking your tea
nobody cares