catiche :
Мне слишком стыдно писать это на русском, но у меня нет выхода, потому что если я не выговорюсь, возможно, этой ночью мне захочется утопить себя в собственном одиночестве.
- No one will ever love me, and I don't even ask for it, because I know I don't deserve anyone's love, so let's go further
- I don't have any talents. I'm the least gifted person in the whole world. Even aside of my loneliness, I have nothing to be proud of. I thought it's okay that my personal life and my mental feelings are so poor, because I really hoped my career would be the only happiness in my life. Now I realise that I have no skills for being a good worker and a leader, and the only thing I can do is to be a pianist/writer who has no obligations. But the last 7 years I was a lazy ass and didn't give any fuck about all this shit. I write compositions and songs, and can play Fantasie Impromptu, but it hardly means anything.
- I'm trying to be kind and I really have a strong desire to help others. But everytime I start to express my feelings and show my natural sensitivity, everyone starts to put a pressure on me thinking I'm weak. Well, I'm really weak. But it doesn't mean you can be such a jerk to me, considering I'm nice to you.
- I don't have a sense of humour. I can't be funny. Everytime I'm in that awful state of melancholy, and of course no one wants to talk to such a grey rock.
- I always was ashamed of expressing my attitude to others. I really love many of people. Love with all my heart, I hate seeing them in pain, because their pain is my pain, their troubles are my troubles, and I would be nothing without them. But I always have a feeling that I give more than I receive. And then I start feeling a huge shame of my own expressions and start being colder to others to hide my previous kindness.
- And now I let myself to dive into the biggest depression I've ever had.
КАТЯ, ЕЩЕ РАЗ ТАКОЕ УВИЖУ И Я ТЕБЯ УБЬЮ В СТИЛЕ РИШЕЛЬЕ (СКОЛЬКИМ ЛЮДЯМ Я УЖЕ УГРОЖАЛА ЭТИМ?)