One vexing, extremely unpleasant and shameful thing happened to my family. When we were kids and something bad happened, our mama used to say "don't you worry, child, we'll figure it out" and it would instantly make us feel relieved. Now we don't believe her. I don't believe her, even though she tries to convince me this is going to be ok and they are going to figure it out. I clearly see how much of a problem it is and it does upset her and she, in fact, can't do anything about it. It's painful to realize that the fact, that it makes you anxious and upsets you too, hurts her but you can't pull yourself together and conseal it yet. I want her to think I'm not going to worry about it but I can't lie. In this very moment when lies would be such a blessing, I understand I can't do that for the sake of my mom's serenity because I'm weak and gutless. When these things happen you wonder if it's happened for a reason, and you hope that it has happened for a reason, but it still sucks and it's going to take quite a time till I finally get over it.

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very fucking accurate

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Sister of mine where can I take you?

I am one of them

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And I can hardly wait

To be with you again

Here I am again!struggling with life again. I do enjoy suffering and feeling sorry for myself so why not take an advantage of such a wonderful opportunity.

And today the topic of our show is soulmates. Those people who seem to be perfectly suitable for you and seem to be there everytime you need them. People who you never thought you could grow apart from because even thinking about it feels odd. You've got so many common memories and you always laughed at the same unpronounced jokes. You are so used to having them around and having them close and considering them soulmates because this is the only word that could describe such a relationship of brotherhood you had. Could I describe how ridiculous it feels when you start realising that this solid and unbreakable thing you had started evaporating. How can it possibly happen? - is the question you keep asking yourself while it's just showing its first signs. There's no way you can stop this fast-moving avalanche as it's getting bigger every day. One day it will become too big for you to deny that. Now it's not big enough but I see it coming and this is not the best perspective I should say. I wish I never had to describe this kind of feeling.

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besides, it sucks when you're a fatalist and have always thought some people belong with you and those people start to treat you like shit and rapidly disappear from your life (as if nothing ever happened at all). when you don't go to classes because you can't wake up. not only in the morning cannot you wake up but through the whole freaking day. and all these people surround you, make you feel anxious about every single move you do, they juge and you know you shouldn't give a damn about it but you still do because we can't help but to depend on other people's opinion. feeling sleepy and desperately longing to go home.

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We all think we are going to live

forever

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It's been quite a long time since I left a note about myself here. But I kinda feel the urge and I also feel the urge to write in English, maybe because I hope this way no one will really understand my writings, though in the back of my mind I know that's pretty naive of me.

But this year was really intense to me, I believe it was one of those turning points in my life and that's why I want to share and sum it all up.

What a crazy year it was, actually! (I tend to get overemotional, though).

1. I've spent the nicest time in school with my friends and we had a beautiful prom and the last ring. And I really like to look back on those cozy school memories of mine. Thank you so much really!

2. I've passed all the exams successfully which I'm quite proud of and spent all the summer with my friends and family.

3. I've entered the uni of my dreams and that's the sweetest feeling ever just so you know.

4. I've met fucking loads of people, became friends with some of them and learnt their stories.

5. I've been to a concert, visited a bloody amount of museums, watched movies all night in the most hipsta place in the world, been to a bar where vanya always nalyot, ate a black burger with cherries and the biggest of the cakes, went through my first examination week and then the second (easy-breezy), spent my time in the trains arguing on religion and sexism, experienced dorm's vices and virtues and read some good books.

A brief summary:

1. The link(s) of the year: youtube.com, pinterest.com

2. The book of the year: "Dandelion Wine" Ray Bradbury, "Jane Eyre" Charlotte Bronte

3. The movie of the year: The Truth About Emanuel

4. The series of the year: Please Like Me

5. The treat of the year: Burgers

6. The drink of the year: Mirinda

7. The feelings of the year: anxiety, excitement, passion, harmony

8. The language of the year: French (as I occasionally started learning it)

9. The city of the year: Moscow

10. The event of the year: entering the Uni

11. The song(s) of the year: Radical Face - Homesick, Elliott Smith - Needle in The Hay

12. The place of the year: Red Square

13. The singer of the year: Elliott Smith

14. The tradition of the year: traveling by train

15. The cafe of the year: Brownie Kitchen

16. The conclusion of the year: nothing fools us more than the first impression of anybody

Farewell to the 2015, it's been a random year.

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current mood

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stop ignoring each other, you stupid idiots

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Her heart was filled in with air.

It was tearing inside as she stood on the edge:

Never still, never calm, never fade.

The fresh spicy wind rushed into her lungs,

Took the hair away from her face.

And nothing she felt but the forces of life,

Her belonging to infinite space.

As she sank in the deep, liquid poured into eyes.

It was warm down here and she felt with her heart:

She was born from the water

And she came from the Sea.

"Will you stay here forever?", idle navy waves asked.

"It is stronger than me", bubbles flowed from her mouth.

Here, under the Sea, where the Sun sparkles dimmer,

Rosie's lungs let in water and got rid of the air.

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— Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

— Yeah. And I think I've found that person.

— I think I'm in love with you.

— You mean as friends?

— No, I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met — and you don't even have to try, you know…

— I try really hard, actually.

- You're gold, man.

"It started with a chair"

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Tony Michelle

Cassie Sid

Maxxie Anwar

Jal Chris

loved it

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"Не требуйте гарантий. И не ждите спасения от чего-то одного - от человека, или машины, или библиотеки. Сами создавайте то, что может спасти мир, - и если утонете по дороге, так хоть будете знать, что плыли к берегу"

Рэй Брэдбери "451 градус по Фаренгейту"

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Жуткий и совершенно аморальный сериал с огромным количеством крови. Но почему-то он меня все равно зацепил. Да так, что я сразу все три сезона посмотрела. Должна признать, что мне понравился психопат Тэйт, который, хоть и насиловал и убивал все подряд, оказался таким романтичным и заботливым котиком.

Ну и, конечно, я в восторге от истории Вайолет и Тэйта. Она там так запутана, но я нахожу все это очень милым: 3

Пишу пока только про первый сезон, ибо он меня впечатлил больше всего.

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Замечательный сериал. Такой добрый и честный - одно удовольствие смотреть было. Пополнил мою копилку любимых сериалов: 3

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